You might be a nurse if..

You Might Be a Nurse If . . .
1. You have the bladder capacity of 5 people.

2. You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.

3. You believe that "ask a nurse" is an evil plot.

4. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase "wow, it's really quiet" is uttered.

5. You mutter, "great veins" when being introduced to a stranger.

6. You believe chocolate is a food group.

7. Your favorite sedative is exhaustion.

8. You think that caffeine should be available in IV form.

9. You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say, "I have no idea how that got stuck in there..

10. You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control.

11. You have ever had a patient say, "but I'm not pregnant; I can't be pregnant, how can I be having a baby?"

12. You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered some food.

13. Your feet are flatter and tougher than Fred Flinstone's..

14. Your alcoholically challenged patients know you by your first name, and can point to "their room".

15. The hems in your scrub pants are held in with steristrips.

16. You refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors."

17. You are the only one at the dinner table NOT allowed to talk about your day at work.

18. You've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you, "I'm afraid of shots."

19. You believe that the sight of a full moon can ruin a perfectly good day.

20. You stare at someone in utter disbelief when he or she actually covers his or her mouth when coughing.

21. You think of chocolates, coffee, Coca-Cola and the cafeteria's frozen yogurt when anyone mentions the 4 food groups.

22. You've ever sworn you are going to have "NO CODE" tatooed on your chest.

23. You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazapam, and Compazine

24. You believe that if warm wine enemas were routinely ordered, patient complaints would greatly decrease

25. You hope there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light.

26. You believe not all patients are annoying. Some are dead.

27. You believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

28. You think friends help you move. Real friends help you move dead bodies.

29. You believe the gene pool could use a little chlorine

30. You believe experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

31. You believe a really good, quality tape is like the Force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

32. Your sole purpose in life is simply to warn others.

33. You see stress as a normal way of life.

34. You have a tendency to laugh at your patient's "big" problems.

35. Your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.

36. You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.

37. You think pizza, cookies and coke make a balanced meal.

38. You tell cops where to go without fear!

39. You can only tell time with a 24-hour clock.

40. You believe the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard