Common Sense Wedding Etiquette for Those Who Have None, Part 1: Bridesmaids

Let me clarify, this is for those who have neither common sense OR wedding etiquette, or both. Read on.

Ahh, weddings. Admit it, we all love them, and we all hate them. Single guys look forward to meeting beautiful bridesmaids, just to have their hopes dashed when they see all the either married or ugly girls lining up behind the bride. All the bridesmaids dread the dresses, and all the brides say the same thing, "It's such a great dress! You can shorten it and wear it after!". All the guests bring as generic a gift as they can find, and all the parents cry about how grown up their children are. Now I've only planned one wedding for myself, but I've helped many other friends plan their weddings, and watched brides plan weddings through all the blood, sweat and tears. So the things I'm sharing here are from personal experience and observation.

Here's the first thing I'd like to share. Weddings are about brides, and no one else. You would think that people know this by now, especially people who have been to multiple weddings, but it always seems to slip their minds as soon as they hear those wedding bells ringing. I don't really know what thoughts flit through their minds, but it always seems to revolve around themselves, rather than how they can help and support the bride. I believe that weddings are the one time that a girl can really be selfish. It really is all about her. Now I'm not endorsing turning into a bridezilla here. That's a little far fetched, especially the bride I saw on TV forcing her fiancee to work out at 5am for three hours a day, two weeks before the wedding in order to "get in shape", disregarding the fact that she was fatter than he was. She even stood there munching on donuts in front of him, just to irritate him. Anyway, back to topic.

Let me share a few examples with you about how to NOT make the bride's life easier. Being asked to be a bridesmaid in the wedding means you should be supportive of the bride, and it is not a time to flaunt yourself out outshine the bride. Neither is it a time to buy a dress far too small for you in order to make yourself lose weight. Chances are, you won't drop from a size 18 to a size 14 before the wedding, especially in just 3 months. And if, six weeks before the wedding, your dress (obviously) doesn't fit, it's a good time to listen to the bride and go exchange that dress for one that does fit and looks good on you. Another thing you should not do before a wedding is get tattoos or nose piercings. Especially when you mention it to the bride ahead of time and she adamantly says "Do not get a large tacky tattoo of blue hearts all over your foot and ankle, considering that you are wearing a knee-length dress to my wedding!" This is not a good time to go get a tattoo, no matter how much all those hearts and stars make you think of your bratty nieces. Same with the nose piercing. If you are just dying to pierce your nose or tattoo your foot, you can wait another six weeks until after the wedding.

Don't accept the position of a bridesmaid, and then decide that hanging out in Dallas with all your friends the weekend of the wedding is more important than being a bridesmaid. If you do choose to do this, don't show up an hour late to get dressed the morning of the wedding, thus causing everyone to be late for pictures. Also, if you chose to leave the wedding party all weekend, and show up just before the wedding, don't be offended that no one knows who you are, and no one pays much attention to you while you are getting ready. Chance are, everyone is slightly irritated that you couldn't be bothered to come and help with decorations, parties or making your own bouquet, and couldn't care less how pretty you think you are. They just wish you'd never showed up.

Don't be a bridesmaid who expects that the weekend of the wedding is a perfect opportunity to spend lots of quality time with the bride. Remember that this is the most stressful day of her life, and know that she greatly appreciates having you there by her side, and needs your support. However, her life will greatly change after this day, and she will no longer be able to just "hang with the girls". Also, you have no idea what all is going on in the brides life and mind at the time, and if she snaps your head off, she's probably more stressed than you've ever been, especially if you are single. So get over it.

Just because your husband is a groomsman, that doesn't mean you're gonna be a bridesmaid, ESPECIALLY if you barely know the bride. Don't call up the bride a couple months before the big day asking why you never got the information about the dress, even though you never received an invitation to be maid. Then, don't fly off your handle, calling the bride the meanest beyotch you've ever met, in order to attempt to get your way. Don't email the groom, telling him how he deserves better than the bride, and you really feel sorry for him because he's such a nice guy. That's a sure fire way to get yourself UNINVITED from the wedding. Then don't email the bride telling her that since you are in cosmetology school, you will do her makeup and hair for the big day. And especially if you think hot blue glitter eyeshadow is glamorous looking, don't be offended when the bride says don't come near her with a ten-foot pole.

To wrap up -- use the little bit of brain that God gave you to support the bride and groom. Realize that for just one day, the sun can shine without highlighting you. Give your all to make this day the most perfect they can imagine, and do everything you can to make the happy couple's dreams come true. Once you get started, it's really easy.